Like mother like daughter!

Meet Sara and Emma!
I got the following picture message yesterday while I was on a walk downtown.

Such pretty girls!

Lookin' back!

"Lookin back.. lookin back, lookin back, lookin back
You know it's hot
Don't forget, what you got"
Lauren hill - "Every ghetto city"

So tonight after talking to a friend, about her current break up, I decided to look back on a few posts from almost a year ago when Sean and I broke up.
Wowzers.
There aren't many, surprisingly.....

One August 25th, and 3 in October......
We broke up the end of august.
Interesting.

The other thing I find interesting is the fact that I called Sean tonight to get some advice.....which is something I never thought I would do, but I know he would give me good, honest, un-biased, advice.

Maybe I should reconsider asking him......
why? I don't know.

The countdown's on!

Ok, so I have a counter on my blog, the countdown to something better, a.k.a. Erin's running away....
When I put the counter on my blog it was at 303 days, or so....and now it's at 264, time is going by so quickly.
As of March 17th, 2008 I am entitled to take a 1 year leave of absence from my job, and I'm trying to sort out what I'm going to do and where I'm going....
Options.....
1. Kingston, live with my parents and go to school full time and finish my Business Diploma....and get a part time job. Then ???
2. Ottawa, go to school and finish my business diploma and get a part time job, then ???
3. Stay in Toronto and try out a new job, which pays better.
4. Go anywhere and get a job....not in that order, I would get a job first, then go.

So if I go to school and finish my business diploma, then what??? What will that get me? Will it get me a better paying job? Or will I just have to start out again on the bottom and try and work myself up to something.

I don't know what to do. I've got less than 8 months to decide. Sure 8 months is a long time away, but I still haven't been able to decide what to do. I love my friends in Toronto and I love my skating job to death. It would really suck to leave my friends and my wicked skating job.

My other decision at the moment is to move out of this apartment and live in the basement apartment of a friends house. It is almost half the rent that I am paying right now. I am going to look at the apartment tomorrow. It's going to be a bit of a pain in the ass to get to work, but I will be able to save money for whatever it is that I choose to do next year. I know I should definitely move in there, but I will miss the convenience of living downtown, getting to work effortlessly, and being able to walk everywhere I go. I probably won't see my friends as often, however I will have Alisa living right in the same house. I hate making these kind of decisions. I used to love change, I still love change, but it's harder to make change when you are alone...it's so nice to plan something together, rather than feel that you have no choice but to make a change.

I hate making these kind of big decisions by myself. I know I'm an adult and I should be able to decide for myself, but it's tough. I know what I should do, but it's not what I want to do. That sucks. I'm afraid that if I make the decision I should make, I will be unhappy for an entire year. That would suck. Being alone, without friends, and somewhere you don't really want to be isn't very appealing.

Another thought that's been on my mind is the fact that I haven't seen my family since January. I'm pretty sure that was the last time I saw them. It's now almost august. That is insane. I don't know the next time I will see them either.

Flying!

ooo, tonight, I sat on a bench with my friend Jon, right on Lake Ontario, overlooking the island airport runway. We sat and watched a bunch of Canadian geese and 2 swans chill out in the lake. As the time passed we saw numerous helicopters and airplanes take off from the airport. It was pretty neat cause you couldnt see the runway. Just airplanes taking off from what looked like a water runway. Pretty neat.

We then got to talking about being nervous every time we went on an airplane. I suddenly remembered the time I took Sean out in an tiny 4 seater airplane for his birthday. It was the first birthday we spent together. He had never been in an airplane before, ever!!!
I had been living in Ottawa at the time and heard a commercial for the Ottawa flying club having a day where they would take you out in a plane, on a tour of the city, for about 30 mins. I thought this was the perfect birthday present for him. So we woke up at 6am, he had no idea where we were going, even though he was driving. I j ust told him which way to turn. We ended up at the Ottawa flying club, but not until we got in line did he realise what was going on.

He was soooo nervous hahaha, I didn't let on that I was kind of scared too, I had never been in such a small plane before. It was just the pilot, and us in the back seat. We had head sets on with microphones so we could talk to each other.

Probably one of the funnest things I have ever done. : )

One day

one day
it will happen
one day,
one day
it will all come true
one day
when you're ready
one day, one day
when you're up to it
the atmosphere
will get lighter
and two suns ready
to shine just for you
i can feel it
one day
it will happen
one day. one day
it will all make sense
one day, one day
you will blossom
one day, one day
when you're ready
an aeroplane will curve gracefully
around the volcano
with the eruption that never lets you down
i can feel itand the beautifullest
fireworks are burning
in the sky just for you
i can feel it
one day
one day

One day - bjork

One day, when I'm ready, I will have something good to say....
I can feel it.

Yer not the ocean!

Again, I’m talking to the lake
I’m standing on the rocks
Yer not the ocean
I’m better to watch
Britney invisible or the stranger in myself
than a wall of water
just hitting the shelf
Yer not the ocean
You’re up to my toes
Yer not the ocean
You’re not even close
Though you’re so real
and you’ve more youth everyday
and you can think and feel
and get out of your own way
and though I’m nothing
you are just a lake
made to take it
and take and take and take
Yer not the ocean
I’m standing on my toes
Yer not the ocean
You’re not even close
Yer not the ocean
You’re up to my chin
Yer not the ocean
You’re not coming in
You’re not coming in
You’re not coming in
You’re not coming in
Yer not the ocean
You’re up to my chin
Yer not the ocean
You’re not coming in
You’re not coming in
You’re not coming in
You’re not coming in

"Yer not the ocean" - The Tragically Hip

K well my first beef is trying to find these lyrics were a pain in the butt cause when you google the song it doesn't come up as yer not the ocean, which is the proper spelling of the song title. but whatev's

I used to have a love hate relationship with the tragically hip.
I grew up in kingston so I am expected to love them. but I didnt.
Not until I was much older, in Ottawa. They grew on me.
I was once at a hip concert in ottawa in like 2001 after spending a hot hot day drinking rum in the backyard of Sean's house.
I fainted in the crowd. I just remember feeling lightheaded and saying to sean, I'm going to faint. then the next thing I know I'm waking up and people are all crowded aro und me giving me water.
I had bit my lip when I fainted too. OUCH.
I have fainted more than once in my life so I was kind of used to it. sucks though.
I really like this song. that's my point.

So just lately

When I catch myself

I do a 180

I stay up clean the house

At least I'm not drinking

Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking

That silent sense of content

That everyone gets

Just disappears soon as the sun sets

Almost a year ago....

"Your words are like knives
They peel my skin and pierce my soul
Your body will burn tonight
Though your heart may still remain cold
And I blame myself
And I blame myself
If holding onto what I hope will keep you by my side
I will blame myself
The sheets are stained with
Memories of your soft kiss
Now this is all I have
Paper and pen
to remember you with
And I blame myself
And I blame myself
Holding onto what I hope will keep you by my side
I will blame myself
Could I have you?
Can I have you?
Could I have you?
Can i have you?"

Like Knives - City and Colour.

This pretty much sums it up.
Wow. So good to NOT be there anymore.
OUCH.

"Sam Malone"....

"And I know, there is.
Some place I can go.
Where no one knows my name"

This is what I want.

Day old hate

So let's face it this was never what you wanted
But I know it's fun to pretend
Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have, they're all I have.
So drown me and if you can
Or we could just have conversation.
And I fall, I fall, I falter
But I'll find you before I drift away
Now you still speak of day old hate
Though your whole world has gone up into flames
And isn't it great to find that you're really worth nothing
And how safe it is to feel safe.
So drown me and if you can
Or we could just have conversation.
And I fall, I fall, I falter
But I'll find you before I drift away
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to stay alive
The things we do just to keep ourselves alive.

Dallas Green

That's it, I've decided

When I grow up.........

I want to be a pirate!